Depression

It’s a Funky-Feeling Kind of Day

Or week…month…*sigh*…YEAR.

I’m in a funk. A deep in the doldrums, feeling super blue about all the things funk. There is just this cloud of BLAH following me everywhere and there is SO MUCH CONFLICT. I hate conflict SOOO SOOO MUCH and yet…

Conflict with kids? Yep

Conflict with spouse? Yep

Conflict with life in general? OH MY GOD YES.

And I know it isn’t the end of the world. I know that I just need to keep pushing through. I know there is sunshine on the other side of all of this…this gray. I *know* that. I really do. But, right now, I’m in the middle of it and I am feeling all of the things that go with it and it just sucks so I need to complain for a moment.

I just wish there didn’t have to be all this damn conflict. I am so tired of the fighting. The fussing. The bitching about everything. No one is happy with anything and it is compltely out of my control. I see conflict on tv, I hear on it the news, I see it when I drive…I just don’t understand why there has to always be all this conflict.

Tomorrow is Friday. I am debating what I need to do this weekend to recharge. To feel better about myself. To give my mind a break so I can let all of this negativity go and feel better about life, in general.

A long day in the mountains? A long day at a spa?

I don’t know. Maybe I will just get in my car and go go go…just drive until I am in a beautiful place.

Of course, it’s supposed to rain like crazy all weekend here so maybe I will just stay in bed and binge watch #OITNB. Ya never know.

But I have GOT to decompress and get out of this funk, y’all. I do NOT have time for this shit.

Wish me luck!

~ The Grey

 

Deep Thoughts on Depression

Hello everyone. Snarky Coppertop here and ever so present. Though the name insinuates that I am full of snark, sarcasm, and what not today something has hit me hard in the serious sector. I had intended to post something a little more lighthearted and snarky for my introduction but I have to get this out.

 

Something that honestly has been ever present in my life here recently more so than usual. Tough topic for anyone to talk about and most like to sweep under the rug. Depression. At some point in our lives we are all faced with it. Whether it be a friend, family member, significant other or ultimately ourselves.

 

In my family I was raised that it was a taboo. That you just “suck it up buttercup”, the past is the past don’t dwell on it, or the “no ones ever been depressed in our family, doesn’t run in it”. So for years I’ve hid it, buried it deep down and never spoke of that dark place my mind would constantly wander into. Put on my happy face.

 

I think now that’s where the snark and sarcasm truly came to light. It was a mask, a diversion that I could so easily hide behind. Don’t get me wrong it’s not all a masquerade but when I’m am down it is definitively more pronounced. The thing about it though is after years of denial I have finally reached the stage of acceptance.

 

Kicking and screaming the whole way. That willingness to reach out for help and approach it open minded was like climbing Everest without an oxygen tank. But I made it. I have my days still but I am more aware now than ever before that I have to get back off that ledge before I tumble over again for the hundredth time.

 

To my point as to why it has struck such a chord with me today. I have two friends that are themselves over that ledge. Both choosing the same poison as their coping mechanism, alcohol. One recently ended up in an inpatient rehab facility for a week and the other in the ER/ICU with internal bleeding. Neither still seems to have reached the acceptance stage of “I need help” nor the willingness to take it.

 

So here I sit in a quandary. I want to go sit down, smack them upside the head, and have a for lack of better words a “come to Jesus” discussion. But am I honestly strong enough to do so as I myself am just putting the shattered pieces of myself back together? Am I truly the right person to try and talk them back over the ledge? I know that dark place all too well and resist falling into it every damn day.

 

I will percolate on it tonight. And see what resolutions I can discover in my own tortured mind. For those reading if you do suffer from depression or know someone who is please don’t do it alone or allow them to. Find someone, anyone to help. Never be ashamed because as I have learned there are more people out there than you would ever know fighting this battle. Don’t let it beat you and and drag you down. It’s only permanent if you allow it to be so. And remember the first step to the healing path is actually reaching out.

 

Snarky Coppertop