The Consistency of Change

The only thing that is constant in this universe is change. The land changes-becoming more or less populated (generally more). People change-growing and evolving emotionally and physically as they age and gain more life experience (one hopes). Governments and laws change.

Change change change. Everything is always changing.

For those of us who dislike change, where the consistency of change brings discomfort and a sense of unbalance, this is not always a good thing. However change is never ending, forcing us to adapt-however best we can-to the different circumstances in our lives.

My life has changed a lot in the past year. Two of my children decided to go live with their dad and stepmom. While it pains me to no end to have them there, I realize and understand this change is necessary. For them, for their lives, for their wellbeing. They needed to experience life on the other side, so to speak. To live with the parent that they had not grown up with in a household (we divorced when our kids were very young) that is different than their regular “norm”. There are hiccups here and there, as there are with anything that is new and different, but they are hiccups that they are learning to navigate through by learning how to interact in different ways with their dad and stepmom (who is a fabulous woman, btw-I like her quite a bit and could not have picked a better partner for my ex and a better stepmom for my kids). So far, they are doing well. So far. And I can only hope they continue to do well. My youngest is adapting well to being the only child during the week at our home with me and her stepdad. She enjoys it, I think, a little more than she should.

My husband and I are growing in our relationship and while growing pains are hard to deal with and can be somewhat painful at times, we are continuing to grow together. I am learning more about myself as his wife and what I am and am not willing to let go and he is doing the same…I mean…it’s only been three years since we got married. It’s about time for that, right? And I love him. I love him with a fierceness I didn’t know I could have for someone not of my blood, not of my womb. I love him despite our roller coaster of emotions that we experience (being that we are both bipolar, it makes form some rocky moments). I love him despite him not knowing the right things to say or do. I love him despite his rough edged rawness that can cause friction in our relationship. I love his heart. And I love the way he looks at me when he thinks I don’t see him watching me. His eyes get warm and tender and they crinkle at the corners when he smiles.

And without change, none of these things would be possible. As change creates emotions, opportunities, situations, and circumstances that forces us to deal with life in front of us. It forces us to react, to respond, to take action-even if our action is non-action, change is still happening.

So embrace change. Embrace the ever-evolving experience of life and all that comes with it. Grow into who you are supposed to be and love the changes that come with it.

~The Grey

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It’s Been a Helluva Year, Yeah?

Grey here.

It’s been a hell of a year. I had to take a break from writing. I had to take a break from creating anything new because my head space was so all over the place, I could barely think. It’s been an up and down year. Lots of downs…more so than ups…but such is life, eh?

In this past year, so much has happened. My work life has changed drastically. So, my responsibilities have grown, which is great, but I am trying to figure out my place within all of these changes. It is hard to stay confident in your position when the changes directly affect your life and it’s not always in a positive manner. The learning curve is steep and I am hoping this is not a pass/fail situation.

My home life has changed. Two children have decided that living with their dad is something they want to try. I cannot even begin to explain how hard it is to let go of your children, knowing it is for them that you let them go and grow into whomever they are supposed to be…even if it is with the other parent and not yourself. I love my children with all that I have and, even though it is slightly killing me, I am trying to be as supportive as I can with this new arrangement. It still sucks. So no wit is just me and my husband and my youngest at my house for the most part. It is quieter…but I don’t always like that much quiet.

This past year, politically, has been so hard to handle. I am *not* a fan of 45. I was never a fan even before he ran for POTUS…but now I detest him…nay, I abhor him. His actions, his way of thought, his inability to see his own small mindedness and the ridiculous amount of support he has is simply mind boggling. And with all of the immigration issues to come up, along with seeing all of the new pre-existing conditions that will not be covered under the American Healthcare Act leads me to believe that unless you have a clean bill of health since birth, you are doomed to illness and possible death under this new act. Because Goddess forbid they cover diabetes, epilepsy, CEREBRAL PALSY THAT ISĀ  THERE FROM BIRTH TRAUMA…because WHO in their right mind would want to cover those?? Ridiculous. Needless to say I am disappointed in my government. And yes, I call my reps, I write them, I voice my opinions, I research them, etc…but it never seems to be good enough.

It is really hard to remain positive when it feels like the country is crashing down around your ears, ya know? I have ended friendships over the state of the US. I have basically been told by a family member to “have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up” when it comes to defending my political beliefs and baking up my beliefs with evidence. She promptly unfriended and blocked me. She isn’t the first family member to do that. Well, she is the first to tell me to have a coke and … (as she put it). But she isn’t the first to end a superficial facebook relationship over political views. And I wish I could be sad about it…but I’m not. I have no time for superficial relationships with people who have no issue arguing with me over something but never have any credible evidence to back up their arguments and who would rather delete me out of their digital lives than face facts. I mean, other than that…life is peachy.