change

The Consistency of Change

The only thing that is constant in this universe is change. The land changes-becoming more or less populated (generally more). People change-growing and evolving emotionally and physically as they age and gain more life experience (one hopes). Governments and laws change.

Change change change. Everything is always changing.

For those of us who dislike change, where the consistency of change brings discomfort and a sense of unbalance, this is not always a good thing. However change is never ending, forcing us to adapt-however best we can-to the different circumstances in our lives.

My life has changed a lot in the past year. Two of my children decided to go live with their dad and stepmom. While it pains me to no end to have them there, I realize and understand this change is necessary. For them, for their lives, for their wellbeing. They needed to experience life on the other side, so to speak. To live with the parent that they had not grown up with in a household (we divorced when our kids were very young) that is different than their regular “norm”. There are hiccups here and there, as there are with anything that is new and different, but they are hiccups that they are learning to navigate through by learning how to interact in different ways with their dad and stepmom (who is a fabulous woman, btw-I like her quite a bit and could not have picked a better partner for my ex and a better stepmom for my kids). So far, they are doing well. So far. And I can only hope they continue to do well. My youngest is adapting well to being the only child during the week at our home with me and her stepdad. She enjoys it, I think, a little more than she should.

My husband and I are growing in our relationship and while growing pains are hard to deal with and can be somewhat painful at times, we are continuing to grow together. I am learning more about myself as his wife and what I am and am not willing to let go and he is doing the same…I mean…it’s only been three years since we got married. It’s about time for that, right? And I love him. I love him with a fierceness I didn’t know I could have for someone not of my blood, not of my womb. I love him despite our roller coaster of emotions that we experience (being that we are both bipolar, it makes form some rocky moments). I love him despite him not knowing the right things to say or do. I love him despite his rough edged rawness that can cause friction in our relationship. I love his heart. And I love the way he looks at me when he thinks I don’t see him watching me. His eyes get warm and tender and they crinkle at the corners when he smiles.

And without change, none of these things would be possible. As change creates emotions, opportunities, situations, and circumstances that forces us to deal with life in front of us. It forces us to react, to respond, to take action-even if our action is non-action, change is still happening.

So embrace change. Embrace the ever-evolving experience of life and all that comes with it. Grow into who you are supposed to be and love the changes that come with it.

~The Grey

And JUST when I thought things were getting better….

I get slammed with all new insanity. Someone up there is laughing at me.

Ever live in a house infested with mold?

I have. At the end of August, I discovered a ginormous wet spot in our rental home’s dining room corner. Upon further investigation, it seems the HVAC condensation line had been leaking (between the walls, mind you) for only who knows how long and there was MOLD GROWTH that was all the way up in the master bedroom closet to all the way down in the kitchen. Mold growth on the OUTSIDE of the walls…which means it was leaking for a while!

Mold, y’all. MOLD. YUCK.

So of course, we got the *F* outta there. The leasing company released us from our lease agreement without penalty, thankfully, so now my brood and I are living with my parents (which is a whole other blog post) until I can find another home. Which means a new adventure of trying to buy a house. How fun!

And, as icing on the cake, at the beginning of September someone decided to try and make a left hand turn through my brand new, only made TWO payments on it car. This is not a new to me pre-owned car. This was a straight off the lot, brand new car where the only mileage on it was from test drives.

So there is that.

Currently, the things that filled my home are sitting in storage. Currently, my car is sitting at the collision center that my family has used for an umpteen number of years and I have no clue when I will get her back.

I had intended to keep up with this blog after my last post but…if my intentions were used for anything other than updating my blog, it would be for paving the road to hell…if I believed in hell. And again, life got in the way.

But seriously, can the universe just stop now? I’m tapping out. The mysterious “They” say events happen in threes. Well, I have had my three happen this summer right on top of each other and I am done. I give. I don’t know what else to do to get it through to whomever is laughing at me up there that the joke has been played out and is no longer funny. I’m ready for my life to be normal again. Well…as normal as it will ever be. I’m ready to sleep in my big bed, ready to have my own space, ready to drive my own car instead of this shitty rental.

These are all very first world, very whiny, priviledged wants and desires. I am fortunate to have a great job so I can afford my vehicle, fortunate to be able to pay for the awesome insurance I have (State Farm kicks ass, y’all) so my car can get fixed and I can HAVE a rental instead of driving around a wrecked car with a wheel that might fall off an any given moment. I am very fortunate to have the family support so I had a safe place for my children and pets when we moved and a roof over our heads until we move into our new house (when I find/buy it). I am extremely fortunate to be able to wake up everyday and have the coffee I want, wear the clothes I want, eat the food I want, etc etc etc…I get it. I am a very priviledged white chic who should count her blessings. And I do, believe me I do.

My situation could be vastly different. I’m so very cognizant of that. My life is pretty blessed compared to most so I really shouldn’t complain. I really shouldn’t but…

Dammit, I want my car back. I want my house. I want my LIFE AS I KNEW IT back!!! The only constant in the universe is change. I know that. Understand that. And I know that in order to grow, change must occur…but why does it all have to be at once?

Life.

It is something I don’t excel at at the moment, but I’m working on it. If anyone finds the instruction manual, send it my way, will ya? I’m struggling….