Can You Really Just be Friends with Someone of the Opposite Sex?

At some point in our lives we all seem to have that one best friend, the one we can confide in without limits. Tell them everything, cry on their shoulder, and stay up all night laughing your asses off being obnoxious. There for you in the good times and in those moments when you are an absolute freight train heading towards the cliff with no breaks. For me, that has undoubtedly been a friend of the opposite sex.

In years past, it has always been completely platonic. I thought of these friends as big brothers who always had my back, of which the feeling was mutual. And that was what it was. Complete and total trust in them. Never having to worry about what might happen if we found ourselves alone and those primal instincts of jumping each other’s bones rearing itself.

Usually they had girlfriends whom for most turned into long term relationships if not wives. But here in the later years as we are all approaching the first of those milestone birthdays, I have noticed things have changed, changed drastically. As some, including myself, have endured breakups and divorces the tables have turned. And unfortunately some of those long term friendships I’ve had to let go of.

Let go of due to those primal instincts taking hold. No longer can we stay up laughing and joking all night as it turns into who can jump who first. Can I ask why and what has changed? Is it with age that these casual encounters seem less faux pas? It is after all someone that I have the upmost trust for and added bonus it’s not some random. But the thing is it’s not due to having feelings for each other, more of maybe filling that loneliness void. In the short term it’s great, fucking fantastic.  No strings attached.

As the weeks and months go by though the confusion sets in. One of us seems to meet someone that we want a relationship with and have those more than friends feelings for. Which in turn leads to the other singleton left out in the dark, wondering. Crawling up in their head trying to figure out did they have feelings for that friend.  Or was it just filling the loneliness void, a moment of vulnerability?

I have walked both sides of the equation and decided no more. No more crossing that friendship line with any of my long term friends of the opposite sex. Long term being defined as they knew me pre-divorce, pre-kid, or pre-marriage. Essentially they have grown through the years with me. As I have discovered it ends badly. For some people maybe not but in my experiences over the past few years it is just plain messy.

But what about those I have met since the long term definition? Here’s where it gets even trickier. I met this guy a few years back randomly. We chatted and hit it off immediately. I was attracted to him but we were both in our own separate, weird dating relationships at the time. Kept in touch though and a great friendship grew of it. We tell each other everything and when I say everything it’s all the nitty gritty. We don’t roam in the same circle of friends so I guess you could say we felt safe baring it all. My confidant, a therapist of sorts.

Few months ago it all changed. One night staying up being goofy, as he was trying to get me over the latest heartbreak, that friendship line was broken. Well to say the least it was erased into oblivion. As we were both suffering our own relationship woes we decided to enter into this whole “helping each other through it” arrangement. The two of us being emotionally detached peoples it was great at first.

Then it evolved. Not just a night here and there. But every weekend and the occasional week night. It dawned on me one of the last weekends he was here while we were folding clothes that I can’t differentiate is he being helpful as a friend or something more. It’s all blurred, I mean come on we were folding clothes on a Saturday night. So many mixed signals

He is talking to his ex again and asking me for advice. Before all this I wouldn’t have thought twice about giving advice but honestly I don’t think I can now because my own feelings could occlude it. I will admit when he talked about the ex I had those infernal stabs of jealously raging internally, and that took me by surprise.

Now here I sit pondering what the hell to do with this all. Again asking that damn question:

Can you really just be friends with someone of the opposite sex?  And not give in to those primal instincts….

~Snarky Coppertop

My Dog Almost Died Last Night

Not even exaggerating on this one. So, here’s what happened:

Last night, the hubs was cleaning out the rest of the fried chicken from the fridge. We have several dogs-one small(Petunia the chihuahua) and one medium largish (Molly-the mixed breed chunky butt). They, along with our cats, were gathered around my husband like peasants begging for gruel from their kindly lord, eyeing the chicken he was eating most covetously. And, like every kindly lord, he gave out bites of chicken to his adoring and hungry subjects. Except one of these little peasants was a greedy bitch who took what was not hers.

Petunia.

The chihuahua.

Now…I admit, her greediness is a bit my fault. I indulge her with treats and snacks. I hold her frequently. She comes to my warehouse office with me. She goes shopping at the farmers market with me. Molly gets car sick so she is not much of a traveler, but Petunia is my purse puppy (although I carry her in large totes with blankies for cushion so she is comfy) and I can take her pretty much anywhere.

So, back to the Near Puppy Death Experience.

As husband was dropping pieces of chicken, he made the pieces appropriate for the animal he was feeding. Molly, being a tad slow on the uptake, failed to grab her piece in time and in darted Petunia, stealing the rather large piece. She took it to the hall. And then she came back to the kitchen. We didn’t notice anything was wrong until she started losing her footing. Her hind legs started going out from under her and I saw her eyes wide with fear! Husband was like, “Something is wrong with her!” I grabbed her, squeezed around her chest and forced her mouth open and sliding out of her throat came the ENTIRE piece of chicken she had stolen from Molly. It was too large. She was too small. And she had tried to greedily swallow it whole to keep it from Molly.

My poor baby almost died because she was trying to keep food from her sister. Instead of chewing it, or attempting to chew it, she swallowed a piece that was too big to fit down her throat and my dog almost choked to death. I held her close for a long while after that. She was relieved, her tiny body sagging against mine, her head nuzzling under my chin, her tiny paws gripping at the wrist of the hand that held her to me. My baby was hugging me, holding me just like I was holding her.

Today, she is with me at work. I expect every day I go to the warehouse office, she will go with me from now on. She has always been precious to me since I got her almost 4 years ago. And seeing her almost die last night reaffirmed I need to make being a better pet parent more of a priority. So I will spend more time with her, be more attentive, love on her more. Because I almost lost her last night. I’m so glad I didn’t!!

~The Grey

Petunia

Petunia, at work with her Mommy!

Summer Vacation Anxiety

I always find my anxiety ramping up a little right before school lets out for the summer. In years past, it was generally from trying to figure out affordable childcare for three small kiddos. Who was the best caregiver? Who was the best caregiver that was NOT going to charge me a gajillion dollars to keep my kids while I worked? What camps were there? Did I do day only? What about lunch? Snack?

SO. MANY. OPTIONS.

SO. MUCH. ANXIETY.

Now…the anxiety is there. But not for those reasons. All of mine are old enough to stay home without any supervision. My husband has a job where he has some days off during the week, so that is helpful. Now the only thing I have to worry about is making sure I have a good chore schedule set up for them so they can help keep the house clean during the day. The will mean my weekends aren’t spent cleaning up the disaster left by untidy teenagers. Now I have to figure out scheduling. Who wants to stay at whose house on what days and are they at their father’s house this week? Is my mother wanting her “Nana” time with the girls? How can I work in a few fun and affordable trips this summer? Do we want to try camping? A roadtrip?

A WHOLE new set of anxieties set in and my mind is swimming.

I think, this summer, other than making sure they have a chore list to complete, I am going to let them be bored. They can take walks. They can lay out in the backyard. They can read or have movie marathons or sleep in and stay up late (so long as they don’t wake me up!). They can color and write and figure out how to entertain themselves. I am not interested in staying anxious this summer. And I need them to learn to self soothe their boredom. Maybe we will take a trip/ Maybe we won’t. But I am not going to stress over it.

I hope everyone has a bit of repreive from the insanities of school being out. I hope everyone can find their happy medium with summer vacation planning!

Here is to a happy summer vacation!

~The Grey

 

You are JUST as F**ked as the rest of us. BE A NICE PERSON!!!

Snark and I were having a conversation the other day regarding traffic. Traffic takes up a lot of our conversations as we chat via our handsfree devices whilst maneuvering through the suburban jungles on their crowded asphalt and concrete trails, encountering dangers at every turn! In otherwords, traffic in the metro Atlanta area is completely jacked. No lie. Anyways, we were talking about traffic and we were talking about using manners in traffic. Like, if we are *all* waiting in an ungodly long line of traffic, is it really gonna hurt to let that person who is turning from the intersecting street to your right in front of you? Is that one car really going to make you later than you were already going to be? No, probably not. And that is the point.

In the case of all these assholes out there, yelling at the inconvenience of life because they have to wait in line or let someone scooch beside them to get some meds at the store or to all those who are so angry about people who don’t speak english living in our country…seriously? Are you really going to let your mouth open up and your ass fall out?

Guess what, people. We are all in this together. We will all eventually breathe the same air on this planet. We will all eventually drink the same water. Eat from the same farm. We are all connected in one way or another, despite the connection not being completely visible to us. We are all, in one way or another, affected by the same events that take place in this world and we are all responsible for being the best people we can be to each other. Doing this could make interactions so much easier.

And when this great big ball of rock decides it’s had enough of us puny humans living on it’s surface, or when we puny humans have done so much damage that this big ball of rock is no longer habitable, then we will all be in the same situation. So, when you think of all of this-and I mean *REALLY* think-then it really does make sense when I say:

“You are JUST as fucked as the rest of us.

Be a nice person!!!

Be Kind to yourself and one another,

The Grey

Deep Thoughts on Depression

Hello everyone. Snarky Coppertop here and ever so present. Though the name insinuates that I am full of snark, sarcasm, and what not today something has hit me hard in the serious sector. I had intended to post something a little more lighthearted and snarky for my introduction but I have to get this out.

 

Something that honestly has been ever present in my life here recently more so than usual. Tough topic for anyone to talk about and most like to sweep under the rug. Depression. At some point in our lives we are all faced with it. Whether it be a friend, family member, significant other or ultimately ourselves.

 

In my family I was raised that it was a taboo. That you just “suck it up buttercup”, the past is the past don’t dwell on it, or the “no ones ever been depressed in our family, doesn’t run in it”. So for years I’ve hid it, buried it deep down and never spoke of that dark place my mind would constantly wander into. Put on my happy face.

 

I think now that’s where the snark and sarcasm truly came to light. It was a mask, a diversion that I could so easily hide behind. Don’t get me wrong it’s not all a masquerade but when I’m am down it is definitively more pronounced. The thing about it though is after years of denial I have finally reached the stage of acceptance.

 

Kicking and screaming the whole way. That willingness to reach out for help and approach it open minded was like climbing Everest without an oxygen tank. But I made it. I have my days still but I am more aware now than ever before that I have to get back off that ledge before I tumble over again for the hundredth time.

 

To my point as to why it has struck such a chord with me today. I have two friends that are themselves over that ledge. Both choosing the same poison as their coping mechanism, alcohol. One recently ended up in an inpatient rehab facility for a week and the other in the ER/ICU with internal bleeding. Neither still seems to have reached the acceptance stage of “I need help” nor the willingness to take it.

 

So here I sit in a quandary. I want to go sit down, smack them upside the head, and have a for lack of better words a “come to Jesus” discussion. But am I honestly strong enough to do so as I myself am just putting the shattered pieces of myself back together? Am I truly the right person to try and talk them back over the ledge? I know that dark place all too well and resist falling into it every damn day.

 

I will percolate on it tonight. And see what resolutions I can discover in my own tortured mind. For those reading if you do suffer from depression or know someone who is please don’t do it alone or allow them to. Find someone, anyone to help. Never be ashamed because as I have learned there are more people out there than you would ever know fighting this battle. Don’t let it beat you and and drag you down. It’s only permanent if you allow it to be so. And remember the first step to the healing path is actually reaching out.

 

Snarky Coppertop

 

The Case For Queso

Today was a day for queso. You know what I mean.

I slept like crap last night. I passed out, but slept fitfully. I got up, fought the urge to burn the world, and proceeded to make my coffee and nag my 12 year old out of bed for school. I drove to the office, got all set up, then realized I needed to be at the warehouse today. Joined by one of our interns, I worked and she worked and then it was time for lunch and my stomach was SCREAMING at me and I just thought:

Q U E S O!!!!!

I had to have it. I *needed* the queso. I wanted to be one with the queso and have it be one with me. SO, I took my intern with me and we went to a local mexican joint and had some delicious food with…you guessed it…QUESO!

The first bite of queso provided that immediate euphoric experience. The cheese was hot, salty, gooey (get your minds OUT of the gutter…this is melted CHEESE I’m describing) and paired perfectly with the corn totilla chip that was delightfully crisp, but sturdy enough not to break in the dip. I dipped my chips in the queso, then in the salsa, and the combo was divine! An explosion of flavored assaulted my sense of taste and smell. The cheese lent relief to the biting spice of the jalepeno. The spiceness of the salsa complimented the mildness of the queso and lent it a livlier flavor than had I just enjoyed the queso alone. Mexican for lunch was SUCH a good idea.

All was right with the world. My irritations ceased. My frustrations fell away. I was simply surrounded by the blissfulness that only eating exactly what I wanted could provide. My days was right again. I don’t even mind the sleepiness I have now from overindulging. Because, as most people will agree:

Queso is life. Go get you some.

~The Grey

Copper Top and the Grey: It’s Been A Long Time Coming

I have an announcement and a little back story. First, the back story.

When I was 17 years old, I met someone that will ALWAYS be in my life. I spent the summer after my highschool graduation essentially living on her couch. I was so much a part of that particular group of people that I had status at the apartment. The couch was my spot (much like Sheldon) and if I wanted to sit or lay down, others had to move. I slept on that couch, cried on that couch, laughed and sang and acted goofy with my friends on that couch. And I spent the majority of my time with that chic. She and I became fast friends and even though life has taken us in different directions at times, we always come back to our friendship as though no time has passed. She is the inspiration for me starting this blog. She is the inspiration for the name of this blog. And now, she is going to be a PART of this blog! <— That was supposed to be the announcement!

I want to extend an extremely warm welcome to my friend, Coppertop. She will be posting, just like me. There will be posts by us individually (We will sign our names to differentiate who wrote what: Her being the Snarky Coppertop and me being The Grey) and then there will be posts that are collaborative and there will be posts that are simply little transcripts of our conversations. We decided last night that our conversations are too ridiculous not to share, so you shall gain some insight into our little corner of crazy. Hopefully you all will cackle like crazy, as we both do.

So hopefully, in the necxt week or two, posting will become more regular again and there will be more entertaining content to enjoy and share.

Smoochies~

The Grey

R E S P E C T

In an ideal world, when you give respect, you get respect.

No one lives in an ideal world.

I have also heard that respect is earned. Well, how do you earn that other person’s respect? You would think by being considerate, kind, and oh…I don’t know… maybe even a little…RESPECTFUL towards the other person would garner some reciprocation, but that is not always the case either.

But then, people are tricky creatures. We have feelings that have many meanings at any given point in time. And right now, for me at least, I have feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, embarrassment, and unhappiness. Because I have no respect. That is, I am being given no respect in certain aspects of my life and that is a difficult place to be in and function normally. I don’t think I am ever unclear about how I feel disrespected and I try to model the kind of respect I would like to receive, but I don’t think it is being taken seriously. Or maybe my feelings are so unimportant it doesn’t even register. I don’t know. I just know that sitting here, thinking about it all, a bright shiny flashlight is highlighting this all in my thoughts and I can’t stop dwelling and I just want it to stop.

I want the disrespect to stop.

I want the dismissal of my feelings to stop.

I want the intentional embarrassment to stop.

I want the denegration to stop.

I want the respect that I deserve, that I have earned. I want to feel like I matter.

I don’t think that is too much to ask for in life.

Sometimes…

I’m a touch flakey. It’s okay. I know I am. All people are, at times, a touch flakey. I have all of these ideas. These GREAT ideas! Ideas for work from home business, ideas for food, for what I want to do through out the week…and then I flake. I mainly flake on personal goals but every once in a while there is collateral damage…

I’m still trying to figure out WHY I flake. Well…to be honest at times I flake because I simply don’t want to do what ever it is I am flaking on. It’s just easier to be like, “Meh…another time.” instead of forcing myself to do something I am less than enthusastic about accomplishing. Sometimes I flake because I have overbooked myself and I run out of time. This is within my control if I would just manage my time better but..hey. Life, you know? And sometimes I am flaking and I don’t even realize it because I forgot. I’ve got a gajillion things running through my head all day and night and with three kids, a husband, cats, dogs, work, household chores, remembering to take my vitamins, making food….phew…sometimes ALL of that gets in the way and I get distracted and I forget and the flakiness is completely unintentional. But still…being better at setting reminders is a goal to keep this from happening. Other times I flake because…well…commiting myself to something SO time consumming and large leaves me feeling overwhelmed and scared of “what if I fail??” and full of the guilt for any time taken away from my family. And facing those feelings is harder than flaking sooo….you get the point.

All of this is within my control. I don’t have to be a flake. I can be the person that I see in my head. I can.

Can’t I?

I mean, it isn’t like I set out to be this flakey person. I have THE BEST of intentions when I start out…but then I really just drop the ball. I need to get better at not picking up the ball if I don’t intend on holding  it like I am supposed to do. The only way to overcome that is to out myself and make the decision to move forward or not on whatever it is that I  am being flakey about and move the hell on.

 

So that is just what I am going to do. I am going to rehab my flakiness and become the Queen of Followthough….

I hope!